Adult Dating

Has your relationship gotten a bit stale or lifeless? Wish you could �juice� it up more? If you are not getting enough affection, quality time, connection or romance, perhaps you are not giving enough, waiting for your partner to initiate. Be proactive.

1. CARVE OUT LOVE & CONNECTION TIME.

Take 2 minutes (or more) at least once each day to stop everything else, and focus on your love, admiration, appreciation of each other, even if, for now, it is one-sided. A good time might be when your partner just comes home. This is not the time to talk about the toilet backing up or overdue bills or your frustrations at work. Don�t mix problems in with connection time. Think of this as sacred time. If you have children, train them that this is mommy and daddy together time, then will come their time. What could be a better model for your children to observe than their parents loving each other.

2. TOUCH OFTEN, TOUCH SWEETLY.

A kiss behind the neck, a stroke on the thigh. Offer a massage as a birthday gift. Sometimes sensual and inviting, sometimes reaffirming of your love and commitment.

3. HAVE SEX MORE OFTEN. Even if you are not particularly attracted to your spouse any longer, or are too tired, make time for sex. Rather than deciding if you are in the mood or not, act as if you are in the mood, and you will likely find that you get in the mood quickly!

Sex is good for bonding, for your health and for your mental state. Don�t play the victim; ask for what DO you want and do whatever you can to make it delicious and enjoyable.

Though this sounds stereotypical, there is truth in it: Women who are pissed off and frustrated because their spouses don�t help around the house find that with more sex, their husbands become much more involved in home life, willingly. So focus on sex, and the housework and childcare may get more attention after all.

4. CULTIVATE YOUR PRIVATE JOKES, STORIES, YOUR OWN UNIQUE WAYS OF TOUCHING AND CONNECTING.

These are all highly bonding to a sense of “us” in own world, distinct from everyone else.

5. LEARN EACH OTHER�S LOVE LANGUAGE.

Do you feel loved and cared for in different ways than your partner does? Ask yourself, �how and when do I feel most loved?� Then either observe or ask your partner the same question. Give your partner the love he/she wants in the way he/she wants it. Ask for it in your way. We all know “the Golden Rule” - “Treat others as you want to be treated”. This is “The Platinum Rule”: “Love another the way he or she wants to be loved”.

6. FIRE THE MIND READER.

Don�t assume your partner understands your every need and wish. Request, and tell what you want or need, especially when your wishes or needs change. Likewise, don�t assume you understand your partner�s feelings, needs, wants. Be curious, and ask.

We each have the power to positively influence an outcome that we want to achieve. We have inherent, God-given tools such as the power to envision, the power of intentionality, inspiration, assertiveness, the power to discover win-win solutions, to be loving, to ask for what we want, to see the best in another.

We also have many external resources available to help us give and get the love and romance we want. Ask someone you know who has the kind of marriage or relationship you want, for insights and inspiration. Or work with a coach, who specializes in relationships, love and/or romance to help you have the love, romance, and great sex you long for.

The end of a relationship can be emotionally devastating, but it can also mean freedom. Freedom from being with someone you probably weren’t supposed to be with in the first place or things wouldn�t have had to end.

We can feel really deep emotional pain and sadness for the loss when a relationship ends. Missing the person and the relationship might make us long to get back into that relationship when we mistakenly assume and blame this as the source of the pain we feel. Many people have experienced this yo-yo effect of getting into and out of a relationship with the same person before they realize that it is not healthy for either party and finally get out for good.

Try to take a look at it this way instead–when a relationship fails, the pain one feels really comes from losing what we had wanted and hoped the relationship to be. When you look at it this way, you can see that you are not losing what you had envisioned or hoped the relationship to be. Rather what you are actually losing is a relationship in which one or neither of you were happy.

Because you cannot truly lose something that you never had, it is rather useless to feel pain for something that doesn’t exist and never will exist. What could have been in your relationship probably never was. Don�t waste your precious time and your even more precious emotional energy on something or someone that never will be what you want it to be. Instead, focus your energy on finding a relationship where you are both happy and together can co-create a healthy and loving relationship.

To that end, it is still important to recognize that it is healthy and desirable to mourn for the loss of someone you love, just make sure that you identify the proper source of the pain so that you don’t go getting back into a relationship with someone you aren�t truly compatible with. Then, you can be free to move on and find the love of your life.

Warmest Regards,

Lisa Stuart

Copyright � 2006 The Love Attraction Expert

100 percent free online dating sites have both pros and cons. Everyone has heard of these dating sites by now, and how they can benefit those who seek a friend, a companion, a short term sexual encounter or a long term romance and marriage. Some 100 percent free online dating sites don’t do enough, however, to screen out the predators, and often welcome or turn their back on their knowledge that there are married people and other desirables posing as singles looking for dates. Some 100 percent free online dating sites are specifically designed with cheating spouses in mind.

Online dating, whether 100 percent free sites or not, can offer the shy, the busy, the newly unattached, and those who can’t easily travel to public gathering places the opportunity to meet potential partners in a less threatening and more focused environment. Those are the pros. The cons are that online dating, especially the 100 percent free sites, give predators and undesirables the opportunity to disguise their identities and their less than honest intentions behind the anonymous wall of the Internet.

100 percent free online dating sites are much more prevalent than they were five or ten years ago, and as happens with any service or product, once the competition sets in the price goes down and the offer enhances. Many online dating sites, even the 100 percent free ones, now provide not only profiles and photos of others looking for that special someone or someones, but also guide you through defining your personality, your perfect mate, and then bring the two of you together in a regimented format of anonymity, email with identification, phone conversation and then finally face to face meeting, if and when the time seems right.

Geography is no longer an obstacle to romance with online dating sites. Many online daters search for their mates this way because they travel so often and are so seldom in one place. They search for others who are in like situations or able to tolerate such frequently long distance partnerships.

There is one caution about which you need to be aware when looking for 100 percent free online dating sites. While many may say they’re free, they’re not. The way they lure you in is to say it is free to register and post your profile. While that is true, once you see a profile, like it, and want to correspond with that person, or they want to correspond with you, you both must pay for that communication.

Paying is not necessarily bad - depending on the cost, of course. In some ways the fact that an online dating site is 100 percent free can actually be a con rather than a pro. While free can increase the volume, it also increases the likelihood of dishonest predators and married people hiding their marital status. It also increases the likelihood that business people will join only for the opportunity to sell you their book on dating, or their sexy lingerie and so forth.

Like anything else, if it’s free it will attract more unsavory folks than similar products for which there is a charge.

The word dating is derived from ‘date’. When they word “date” is uttered among youth it implies to much more than the date as a chronological reference to time in terms of time as we know and the calendar we follow. For the youth it means an appointment with a friend of opposite for an evening or night out.

For an adult ‘date’ has same meaning as the youth but it is not restricted to fun and holding hands and mumbling few niceties before the farewell.

Adult dating implies to creating a space for love, romance or a long-term relationship and casual or pre-mediated hot, torrid sex encounter. Another negative aspect of dating on land is that anonymity cannot be maintained easily and squarely as you would like to at least in the initial stages.

The adult dating world is very complex and mired in confusion for many. The reason is that dating on land as such was a very frustrating affair as interaction with the opposite sex was restricted to social clubs, work place, community and few other outlets. Thus if within these venues you could not find a soul mate or a sex partner then you had to wait for eternity for that chance meeting (if ever) with a perfect person. Or catch hold of who ever you found near suitable and risk the chance of facing frustration in later period of life.

Internet has changed that, the fantastic information transmission and connectivity that it has ushered has brought about a paradigm shift in the way we date. Not only the way we date but even in our sexual attitudes and orientations. If you visit any

online dating site you will realize as to how valid the above fact is. Browse the adult personals of any major dating service and you will realize how varied the expression of sexual desire and sexual preference is.

In a fast changing society the expression of word sex is no more a taboo. People now flaunt their sexuality more openly and are not afraid of experimenting with different lifestyles as is apparent in case of swinging among couples know as swingers or adult swingers. Swinger sex albeit not acceptable to traditionalist has brought about a revolution in sex lives of married couples. The aspect of sharing once wife or swapping partner for sex is now nothing new. One good look at swinger’s personals will make that apparent. Even as a single you can sex with swinger’s if acceptance is there – since there are many combinations that are popular among swingers from twosome sex to threesome sex and orgies. BDSM and fetishist also find there kind in these websites.

Similarly the alternate sex seekers like bisexual, gay and lesbians have surfaced evenly in Internet dating thanks to anonymity it provides to out personals in a world which still refers to homo sexuality as “queer”. There are now specific portal which are service providers for alternate sex seekers and are referred to as gay dating sites and lesbian dating site which are targeted on gay sex and lesbian sex.

Many portals offer the option of ethnic or religious dating on lines of your desire to date with a person of same faith or ethnicity or have interracial relationship.

You can virtually date anyone in the world as people can post their profiles on any dating service now along with their photos. You can interact with people you like using online chat or live webcams to get to know them better before you take the plunge of meeting them. This will take you to a long term relationship a matrimonial alliance or a rollicking sex date what ever you wish.

Hence when you visit an online dating site make sure of what you wish for and accordingly choose a site that is focused on singles dating, sex dating, gay lesbian or swinger’s sex or even just friendship. Then there matchmaking services or adult friend finders that are region specific in case you are looking for dating within your country or in a local area. There are portals which offer everything under one roof making your task easier.

Be careful there portals that offer everything and deliver nothing. They will cheat on your credit cards and most of the profiles posted would be fake or inactive. Prefer site which give free registration thereby giving you a chance for exploring the site before you commit financially. In most of the trusted sites privacy, anonymity and safety is assured. Just be focused what kind of dating you are in for to have a successful online dating experience. BingO!

Hey ladies � ever been dumped, had your heart broken or other wise been tramped upon by a man? Of course you have � we all have. And we are ALL looking for something just a little bit better (ok, maybe a WHOLE LOT better!) than what we just left. But how can we keep history from repeating itself? How can we start meeting quality men, and then after meeting them, hook them and reel them in for the trophy shot? Well, I have some tips to share with you on that, so put your ears on�.

Tired of the Bars and Clubs scene to meet the guys? Me too. So let�s expand our view for a moment and think outside the box. Here are some great places to meet guys that do not include loud obnoxious drunks, broken ear drums, and the typical pawing Charlie.

1. Co-Ed sports leagues and fitness clubs! Guys love sports, we know that, and they will totally dig a chick that loves sports too. Or better yet � how about a part time JOB at the local club? 2. Shoot pool! (Ok, this may include the obnoxious drunk, so be prepared) 3. Laundromats! Do your laundry on a Friday night or Saturday, it�s a great ice-breaker, and remember, no granny- panties! 4. Go back to school! Check out the classes that the GUYS usually take like engineering, auto mechanics, etc. If you don�t want to join, volunteer to be a class aid. 5. Get a dog and start walking in the park � and bring a Frisbee! 6. Go online! There are all kinds of places you can get a free profile (check out http://www.wheretogetthescoop.com for 10 online dating sites that offer free profiles) 7. Crash a wedding 8. Go to graduations at the local college 9. Attend sporting events and football parties at BW3s or your local sports club (goes along w/#1) 10. Home Depot or your local Lowes � troll the isles, pretend to need help, or attend a free class on how to tile your bathroom floor!

Ok � so you have met him (finally, right?). Now what? Here is where most of us seem to need the help. One of the most important things a woman can do in a relationship to end it right then and there is to �lose her cool�. And I am not talking about just flipping out and telling him what a worthless turd he is for forgetting your anniversary. I mean the �needy Nancy� and the �paranoid Patty� and the �Longing Lucy� or �Clingy Caroline�. Let�s go over just a couple tips.

Guys want someone who is cucumber cool when they want cool, and tamale hot when they want it hot. The trick is knowing which one they want at which time, right? Exactly. One of the keys to this is following his cues and his body language, and making sure that he understands what you are wanting, looking for and needing, and that YOU understand the same from him. Never � ever � assume that just because you think you have a relationship, that you do. Let�s face it ladies, guys are clueless and we need to accept this. Follow his cues and understand his needs, and give him the space he needs when he needs it. But make sure that YOU get space too, even if you don�t think you need it! J

Next � (you�ll like this one) do NOT give him everything he wants!! Don�t be a pushover! And by this I do not mean to try to run the relationship like a Nazi. I just mean to � be unavailable sometimes, hold that proverbial �carrot� out there over his head just a little out of reach. If you start out giving him everything he wants, you will have to either a) keep it up or b) end it at some point and he will wonder where his wonderful little slave went. Don�t start it!

Ok, that being said, there is a lot more advice out there for women that is geared specifically toward women. Women need dating advice! There is a guy out there named Christian Carter who has developed and entire program based specifically on dating advice for women, as well as relationship advice once you are in it. Christian Carter offers free newsletters, too, so you do not have to pay for some killer dating advice.

Did you know 80% of potential relationships end after the first date? So what must you do to avoid using the patterns which will lead you to a certain failure?

The first date, especially after a long online dating period can be a very nervous experience and high expectations of building a relationship may put a lot of pressure on you. So what must you do to ease the anxiety? What must you do to take your chances to a second date?:

• Choose a place where you can be able to make an uninterrupted conversation with your date. Never take your date to the movies as you can’t start to get to know your date, neither can he/she.
• Be ath this place on time. Not earlier or later.
• Look your best, be presentable and comfortable. Wear clothes that make you feel good. Buying new clothes is a good idea but if you dont have the time, be sure that they are clean and tidy.
• Do not try to be more or different than yourself, always be yourself.
• Make your date comfortable. Find something nice about your date, make a compliment and leave it there. Do not overcompliment.
• Be creative, funny and flirting. Putting a smile on your dates’ face may sweep away the nervous feelings you both use to have.
• On your first date dont talk too much about yourself, take your time and pay attention to your date. Remember you are being tested by your date and you should also be testing your date.
• If you are unsure about yourself at that time our you feel like your date is to good to be with you, you must clear of your mind from those poisonous questions as it will make you more nervous than you should be.
• Be honest about yourself. This is not a marketing game. Lying or exagerrating about yourself could only destroy your chances of a potential relationship.
• If you feel like everything is going well, ask for a second date but do not wait for a confirmation right away or overly repeat asking.
• At the end of your first date, always thank your date for the nice time you had and if you feel like she or he is not ready for the first kiss, save it for later.

The first date can be a nerve-racking and uneasy event for both parts but always remember you’re the prize to be won. If your date does not value you or your time, it’s her/his loss and you must carry on with your life. There’ll always be plenty of chances for you to find the right person.

Caution is a word with a fine old-fashioned ring. The dictionary definition I have in front of me reads: “attention to safety, prudence, carefulness”.

It’s a term that seems to have been relegated to financial affairs. It smacks of an earlier time when the idea was to avoid debt at all costs.

These days caution sounds curiously out of place where interpersonal relationships are concerned. (Although there is a good case for asking yourself where the sense is in that.) Certainly, caution is not a quality that is characteristic of abused women, aka ‘women who love too much’.

Abused women may be inclined to place unconditional trust in unsuitable parties, and they may be unusually fearful and distrustful. (Sadly, these attitudes are not necessarily mutually exclusive.)

Recurrent verbal abuse will drown out the voice of their intuition, until they come to rely on the apparent certainties of a partner, or others, with strong opinions about everything. (How many abusive men do you know who don’t think their opinion is law?)

One thing is sure, abused women are rarely emotionally cautious; possibly because they set so little store by themselves.

They have precious little attention left to give to their emotional safety. They rarely invest their emotional wealth prudently and they are, all too often, careless of their personal well-being. Their focus is always on appeasing an increasingly difficult partner who, vampire-like, consumes every drop of their concern and energy.

Nor is it any wonder that they don’t expend their emotional resources cautiously since their partner consistently berates them for not showing enough love or understanding.

Sadly it is not only with a partner or prospective partner that they need to exercise emotional caution.

Within a relatively short time I’ve heard several accounts of women who have experienced abusive treatment from their counsellor or psychotherapist. In some cases of couples’ counselling, the counsellor was swayed by the charm and credibility of the abuser, to blame the victim for the problems in the relationship.

In one case a male psychotherapist spent some weeks building a foundation of trust with his female client and then, slowly and systematically, he started ‘grooming’ her to satisfy his own sexual needs.

Counsellors and therapists are, in the end, no better and no worse than anyone else. Professional competence, in whatever field, is one thing. Integrity and refusal to take advantage of the vulnerable clearly should be part of it. But they may not be. It depends on the values of the individual. (The male therapist mentioned above was apparently a good therapist - when he confined himself to doing the job he was paid to do.)

It comes down to a Catch 22 situation. When we are at our most vulnerable, we are most likely to trust, more or less blindly, someone who we come to believe is better equipped to manage our situation than we are.

Yet that is precisely the time when we are most likely to attract someone who will exploit and abuse our trust.

It goes without saying that we are most vulnerable when the voice of intuition has been more or less silenced by distress.

And that is where caution comes in. The women mentioned above, whose trust was abused by the professionals allegedly there to support them, were � understandably - slow to make sense of what was happening. They were also fearful of walking away from someone they believed they needed in order to cope.

The question they asked themselves was: “What will happen to me if I lose this support?” It is a question that serves only to disempower people further.

The truth is that they would have coped. Our fear grossly underestimates our resources. Our resources, once we confront issues, end up amazing us.

Better questions to ask, might be based on the components of caution:

“Is this person’s attention truly focused on my physical and emotional safety?”

“Is their advice prudent, that is to say careful to avoid consequences for me that I would find undesirable?” “Is this person careful of my feelings?”

If the answer to any of these questions is “No”, then why would you trust the person? What will happen if you put yourself in their hands?

Nor is it enough to ask and answer these questions just once. Trust, including self-trust, has to be built incrementally. Until your intuition is back in action working overtime on your behalf � and that will happen in time � the counsel of caution may well be the most valuable counsel you’re likely to hear.