Adult Dating

Guys always get REALLY worried when it comes to approaching women. They always seem to think something bad is going to happen. The funny thing is, there are some little known secrets that NEVER fail when approaching a woman and the best part is I have perfected and taught ALL of them.

We all have fears in life for a reason.

Take a fear of water for instance. Some people are afraid of water because they have had a bad experience with it. Some of them might have nearly drowned, others might have been attacked by a shark and some might have just choked when drinking water.

Now take a fear of approaching women. At some point in your life you became very self conscious or someone rejected you and you found it very humiliating and embarrassing.

Maybe you had a crush one a girl in high school and she stood you up for prom. Maybe you fell in love with a woman at work and when you asked her out, she told you she just wasn’t attracted to you.

Bad experiences will leave their mark on you. And if you never really had any GOOD experiences with women either, then you will just beat yourself up. So we need to change that right now.

So if you still feel uncomfortable talking or approaching women, have a look at it from a different point of view: The reasons why most men don’t approach women are always the same:

What is she doesn’t like me? I don’t want to look like a fool. I will feel very bad about it if I get rejected again. What should I say anyway?

Dude, listen!

At some point in your life, it will be too late to make excuses for yourself. If you are pushing 81 years of age and can barely walk, then you will most certainly beat yourself up with a baseball bat for not even having tried.

But at that stage in your life, the opportunity will be over. You had your chance!

Think about this: your time is NOW… and you will never get this chance again because you only live once.

And guess what: you won’t see most women you want to talk to ever again anyway if you don’t open your mouth right then and there. They will just walk past you and then disappear forever.

So, the first step towards mastering the art of meeting and approaching women is to overcome your internal fear, also called approach anxiety.

Then, you will have to learn the methods and techniques that actually work when you want to approach and strike up a conversation with a woman.

Here’s one of my favorites: Whenever you see a woman you would like to meet, just wait for her to walk past you. When she is close, just get her attention and to stop by saying “HEY! … c’mere for a second”

Then say: “Hey listen … I need a female opinion about something. Would you EVER … get some guy’s name tattooed on you? I’m telling you my little sister desperately wants one … not from me though evil grin…” and make up your own little story here.

I have tested this many many times on the street, in coffee shops, in malls and in clubs…and it works every single time.

I have done all the hard work for you…all you have to do is use it.

Now go figure!

Do you get in from work and check your inbox to see if you have another admirer? If you do, you could be hooked on online dating. You crave the attention of another single, but deep down you don’t really want to settle down.

While you are dating someone offline, are you still checking your inbox when you get home? Are you always on the lookout for someone you feel will be better? These are classic signs of someone who is hooked on online dating.

Have you received a wink off of another single then cancelled an already arranged date? This is generally done by singles that are active with more than one person at a time while dating online. They arrange a date with one single, but deep down they want to go out with the other single. Then they go out on the date and realize it may have been a mistake, and hope the other single is still interested.

Finding a fault with everyone is another sign of addiction. Always looking for someone to be perfect, but that will never happen, you don’t want it to. Remember, you’re addicted, and the next person you date will always be better. You can go back to your inbox, and see who is contacting you.

The enjoyment of going to a restaurant with someone different is a turn on for you. That continual initial attraction is far more appealing than a long term relationship ever will be. It’s lust that you’re after, and not love.

Splitting up comes easy to an online dating addict. Reconciliation’s are not even mentioned. What ever the reason was for splitting up, they will be forgotten once back online, and looking for more fish in the sea.

Seeing a relationship through takes character and strength. Any challenges should be talked about, and not just used as an excuse to split up, and move on. These obstacles will build the relationship so it grows and becomes stronger.

The reason for starting online dating is to meet someone. Someone you can commit too. Not every relationship is going to work out, wanting it too will give it a much better chance of survival.

“How Avoid the 5 Most Common Heart-Breaking, Intimacy -Destroying And Relationship-Wrecking Communication Mistakes”

Mistake #3, Message Assuming

In the previous two articles, we discussed the first two of the 5 most Common Relationship Communication Mistakes: Case Building and Story Telling. The first choice we are faced with in communication happens so fast… we don’t even know we are making a choice. But, here it is, deciding whether we want to build a case against somebody, or build a connection with them.

The second mistake is Story Telling. This is when we tell ourselves a story about an some thing that happened (without checking the facts) — and the believe it. We see our lover come to bed with flannel pajamas on, decide that that’s the end of our sex life and no longer find us attractive, and then begin pouting about it. We believe our own story about the other person, forgetting the fact that it just snowed for the first time today and winter has set in.

The third mistake is Message Assuming. There are two sides to this mistake. The first side is we assume we actually understand what the person is saying in the way that we intended. The second side is assuming that the person we are talking to… actually understands our message in the way that we intended.

If I talk about a desk to a student of mine, they may associate the word with the place where they are held captive six hours a day. To me it is the place where great thoughts and ideas come to life. So, just the one little word ‘desk’ can evoke a tremendously different emotional response in two different people.

Then imagine trying to have a complete conversation with hundreds of words. Really, it’s a wonder that our communication ever succeeds at all.

So what can we do to avoid misunderstanding? We can ask the other person to repeat what they understood. That way we can hear from them directly what’s going on in their mind.

The communication method of nonviolent communication has four distinct steps that help avoid misunderstanding: state the observation, say how it makes you feel, say what need of yours it meets or doesn’t meet, then make a request. The most useful request to make is to ask, “Would you be willing to tell me what your heard me say?”

I watched Paul teach the Language of Peace in the Jefferson County jail one day. He role-played a situation with a woman, whom I will call Cecilia, who was very upset with her ‘cell-y’ or cell mate. The cell mate was touching and moving Cecilia’s things which offended her.

Paul was role playing Cecilia and Cecilia was playing the cell mate. Paul, as Cecilia, said, “When you move my things I feel very frightened because I have a need for autonomy for me and safety for my things. Would you be willing to tell me what you heard me say?”

“Yeah, you said I’m an asshole for touching your things.”

Paul responded, calmly, “Thank you.” After all, she had answered his question as he asked. Paul continued, “Well, really I feel angry because I have a need for protecting my belongings. They’re all I’ve got with me here. Would you tell me what you heard me say?”

“Yeah,” she threw back at him, “you want me out of your cell.”

“Thank you,” replied Paul. And then he tried again. It took almost eight rounds of trying to express feelings and needs for the woman to repeat the actual words he was saying to her. We all cheered when she finally repeated it. What was even more interesting is that she wasn’t even role playing herself, but was responding in the way she imagined her ‘cell-y’ would hear the requests.

Without this process, though, Paul would have moved on to his next statement, never knowing whether or not the other person understood what he was saying.

Another technique for avoiding the Message Assume mistake is the 40 word rule. Some people think that saying more words will equal better understanding, but it doesn’t work that way. Often, more words equal a bigger and messier misunderstanding.

Here’s the rule: Never go more than 40 words without checking in with the other person to check for understanding: “Would you tell me what you heard me say?” And always thank the person for their effort in answering the question. When it’s really important that you are understood, going slowly is the only way to go.

And here’s an assignment: three times over the next few days, after making a statement, ask the person who’s been listening, “Would you tell me what you heard me say?” You’ll be amazed at the difference between what you said and what they heard.

To get your own copy of the Special Report: The 5 Relationship-Wrecking Mistakes - How to Identify and More Importantly Avoid Them, just go to our web site now.

“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people?

“In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?

Is attraction a matter of chemistry?

Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them.

Scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by:

- The women’s ovulation period

- The food that men eat

- Perfumes and other scented body products

- And lastly the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?

Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”

So how does attraction figure in relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself?

Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.

Trying to seduce a woman you hardly know is not the easiest of things to do…but there are some principles of psychology which you can apply to make the process a lot easier and which will guarantee that you always get positive responses from women you approach. One of these powerful principles is knowing how to communicate with different “Personality Types.”

Basically most people fall into one of 3 main categories in terms of the way they express themselves and the way that they “take in information” about the world around them. So any girl you meet will usually belong to one of these groups.

The idea here is to communicate with each girl you meet in the LANGUAGE that she will best understand and that will lead to you making a very strong connection with that girl. She will immediately feel that you know her in a way that nobody else ever has before. Therefore seducing her becomes 1,000 times easier as a result of this “super-strong” connection.

So here are the 3 personality types and how to communicate with them:

1) Auditory Girls: These are girls that respond best to “Hearing-based” descriptions. So for example if you’re describing a trip you took to the beach, you want to be describing the SOUND of the crashing waves. You would say something like, “The waves were crashing on the shore very LOUDLY. And I could HEAR the sound of the pebbles as they pounded on the beach front.” You get the picture here: you’re really trying to stimulate her auditory mind by making sure to focus on the sound element of the event.

2) Visual Girls: These girls are especially stimulated by things that they can picture visually in their minds eye. So they focus on the picture element of any event. For example, using the same beach scenario: you would communicate with this type of girl like this, “The moonlight LOOKED so bright that night. It was so nice to SEE the outline of the ocean in the distance from the shore. It was the most amazing SIGHT ever.”

3) Kinesthetic Girls: These are girls that mainly communicate their thoughts by the sense of “Touch.” They tend to relate best to things and ideas they can “touch” or “feel” with their hands. They need to have a strong grip on things, literally. So the best way to make a strong connection when communicating with these girls is to say something like this, “It was such a good night, I really FELT the peace and tranquillity of the beach. And the way that the sand RUBBED against my skin FELT like absolute heaven.

So the next question is: How do you know what personality type a woman belongs to? Well, the answer is pretty simple. You get them to talk about things they have to describe and then you listen for which “buzz-words” they tend to use most frequently in their conversation. That way you can just “key” into their language and feed it back to them when communicating YOUR thoughts and descriptions.

You see, once you key into a girl’s personality type and start to communicate in her specific “language,” you’ll immediately create a situation where she opens up to you and is more willing to get physically “intimate” with you faster than you could ever imagine. This will happen because her sub-conscious mind sees you as a soul-mate. And this can transform the relationship from some guy she just met to a guy she feels she’s known all her life and who is able to understand her deeply.

So there you have it. You should apply this principle in your interactions with the women you want to date: you will find that the seduction will become so much easier for you and the results you get from women will be unbelievable.

Our life revolves around relationships. We have family relationships, work relationships and romantic relationships. Is your relationship going the way you want it? Before getting involved in a romantic relationship, it is good to ask yourself such questions. Would you like to get into an erotic and short-term relationship only to discover later that the other person is looking for a long-term commitment? Do you feel like dating a person when there is no personal chemistry involved?

The foundation of a successful relationship depends on the quality time you spend together. What you feel when you are together, how you behave in each other’s presence are important observations to make. Remember, emotions are not rational; there is no logic to why you like someone and don’t like another. You must watch your own reactions and the responses of the other person sensitively.

There are situations where advice fails to work. Every situation is unique in itself. Lack of communication in a relationship spells doom. The phrase ‘silence speaks’ might work in some cases but not always.

Following three C’s are the basis of a successful relationship dating, whether it is short or long term, erotic or wild:

Communication

Do you feel shy in discussing sensitive issues? Are you the kind of person who waits for the other person to break the ice? This is not the correct approach. Conveying things at an earlier stage prevents chaos later. However a blatant approach may also end up in a disaster. Relationship dating is a sensitive issue. You should handle it with care. Communicate properly and carefully before fixing a date.

Commitment

Be very clear about the commitment level you expect from each other. If you are looking for an erotic relationship, convey it through various indirect gestures at the very outset. You are more compatible if you share similar beliefs and values in your lives. The more likeminded you are, the more deep-rooted your relationship is likely to be.

Cooperation

You must have a great deal of mutual understanding. A successful relationship involves a lot of give-and-take. It is not one-way traffic; it is reciprocal. Reciprocity increases your compatibility level with each other.

Last but not the least, sex plays a very vital role in a successful relationship. Sex is a way of expressing your total love. However, before giving expression to your love be very honest with each other. Be very sure about how long you want to carry on!