Adult Dating

The feeling of falling in love is of the most exciting, thrilling and life changing events. Falling in love can change your entire outlook on life. Falling in love can occupy your mind and seem to take away all of life’s problems. However, falling in love can bring about a serious problem of endless heartaches if a person falls in love too fast. Let us look at what brings about the feeling of needing to fall in love, what defines true love and the string of broken hearts that can occur if one falls in love too quickly.

With these key elements examined, a person may realize that they are too rapidly generating the feeling of falling in love, and in doing so, producing unfortunate consequences. A life filled with a great amount of broken hearts predictably points to a great amount of relationships in which the person fell in love too quickly. Once acknowledged as a source of heartaches, one can achieve a more realistic approach to falling in love and finding someone special.

The majority of adult single people undoubtedly desire the ultimate feeling of being in love with another person. Instilled in people’s minds is that love will bring happiness, safely and security. Most people are witness to a loving relationship from a very young age, as we witness the love of our parents. As adults, the media overwhelms us with love stories. Countless advertising bombards us to find love. When one is single, it may seem that everywhere they look; there are couples holding hands, talking and laughing together. This can produce an overpowering desire for a person to find love.

Real and genuine love means connecting in ways that are almost indescribable. Present are the key elements that each desire in a relationship. There is a strong emotional attachment, as well as an intense physical attraction. The two people in the relationship spent time thoroughly getting to know the each other. These people will understand each other quirks and habits. They will learn each other’s history and the life that they lived up until they met. After sometime, a feeling of comfort and admiration occurs. As cliché as it sounds, if love is going to happen, both will have a feeling of “fitting together” and “finding their better half”. If both people involved in the relationship are content and their desires fulfilled, as time moves on, an increasing feeling of devotion and affection will change into a deep and strong feeling of love.

Without these fundamentals in place, having the feelings of falling in love exceedingly prematurely can result in needless heartbreaking outcomes. It is true that being single can sometimes produce intense feelings of loneliness. These feelings of solitude and wanting acceptance into a loving relationship can make one push for a relationship that is not correct for them. Beginning to spend time with another, sometimes a person will mistake the feeling of acceptance for the feeling of love. Love is not something easily obtained. For long periods, love can escape us, as we search for that someone special that we wish for in our lives.

Telling yourself that you are in love, does not create love. If not all of the essentials of genuine love are in place, convincing yourself that you are in love does not magically produce those necessary elements. If in almost every relationship you enter, you fall in love within a couple weeks or even days, you must ask yourself; are you really in love?

Undoubtedly, falling in love produces a magnificent euphoric high. The emotion of finding one’s “soul mate” fulfills a deep desire to bond with someone. True love is such a rare find. In terms of realistic expectations, one simply cannot sincerely be in love with every person they meet or date. Allowing yourself to feel you are in love with almost everyone you connect with, in a small measure of time, only will lead to ultimate disappointment. Sincerely asking yourself the question, “Was it really true love?” may give you the knowledge that perhaps you did not actually experience love. This is not to imply you did not admire someone, like spending time with him or her or had lust for him or her. However, did real love exist? Comprehending that it did not, may lessen the sense of feeling betrayed and the feeling of being wounded from relationships gone astray.

To free yourself from being the victim of lost “love”, give yourself the time to unequivocally get to know and appreciate someone, allowing love to happen in it’s own due course. Do not impulsively rush into a state of feeling in love. Seriously consider all of the factors that ensure a real and lasting love. Give this feeling time to develop. Only then, can you truly know that you are in love.

There seems to have been a lot written about body language in the past decade, I guess it satisfies our need to believe that we can know what another person is thinking.

Unfortunately, 99% of it is complete rubbish. There are almost no scientifically verified body language patterns, with wide variations between cultures and in different contexts.

So no, someone crossing their arms does not mean they’re defensive. They could be feeling defensive but that isn’t what the body language is saying, it’s not an explicit language that communicates intentions (for that matter, neither is English).

The only true way to read a person is by becoming sensitive to their body language cues when experiencing or explicitly stating that they are experiencing a certain emotion. The language of the physiology is highly individual, situational and has a variety of different meanings unless it is repeated consistently in the same emotional state.

Anyway, now the good news. I want to share with you the few body language cues that have been tried and tested experimentally, they are cross cultural and extremely reliable.

The first is any touching of the face, particularly the nose or ears. Generally this indicates deception, but beware; Opiate based pain killers can produce the same behavior!

Now this works in two ways in the context of seduction - you can tell when the women is lying and also you now know to keep your own hands away from your face when interacting. This cue is interpreted unconsciously by the woman as a sign of deception, and she will experience the sense that you cannot be trusted. Try it out.

I’ll share some more powerful universal body language cues in later posts, but I really want to get this message across to you - If body language is individual then this gives you a powerful tool of seduction, notice her body language when she is experiencing certain emotions (perhaps telling you a story) and you will have a physiological map of how her emotions are anchored in her body.

What if you reproduced those unconscious body anchors in your own physiology, perhaps to generate sexual states and anchor them to you? Then you wouldn’t have to read female body language but use it to produce and reproduce states in her mind unconsciously…this is one i’ll come back to.

We’re going to talk about some “advanced stuff” today, so I want you to pay careful attention. As you may or may not know, it is very important for a woman to feel a sense of security in a relationship, to feel protected when she’s with a man. This is true no matter how powerful or successful she is, and comes back to what I call defining authority in a relationship.

A woman takes comfort in a man who defines authority in a relationship. She feels secure… and the two go hand in hand IF what you’re providing is what I call “true comfort.” See, way too many people confuse comfort with escape and the consequences can be dangerous. So what’s the difference between the two?

Let’s start with what “escape” means. Escape is really the illusion of comfort… a retreat into a false reality in an attempt to get away from “real reality.” Unfortunately, the consequences of “real reality” still apply. An extreme example, of course, is the drug addict who spends all his time either high or trying to get that way, so he doesn’t have to deal with reality. Of course reality always come crashing down, and the addict has to face the consequences of the decisions he made based on events in his illusion that in actuality apply to reality. Usually these consequences are not good… jail, termination of relationships, health problems, etc.

Now, don’t get the idea I think escape is bad, because it’s not, unless taken to the extreme, and mistaken for comfort in the relationship. I think escape is a fine thing IF you both recognize that’s what you’re doing. In fact, many “special friends” or “adventure partner” relationships are based purely on escape, and that’s a great thing… as long as both people realize that and continue to make reality based decisions, not “illusion based” decisions. But, what often happens is one or both partners mistakes escape for comfort, and starts making decisions based on illusion, not reality. I think many long term relationships go bad for this reason. Can escape be part of a successful long term relationship? Sure, and it should be IF “true comfort” is present. “Special friends” or “adventure partners” can be based purely on escape, but if you want to have a successful long term relationship with a wonderful woman, you must be able to provide her true comfort IN ADDITION to escape.

So what is “true comfort?” True comfort comes from the creation of a different reality, the molding and changing of a current reality to create outcomes which lead to comfort and security. The old reality is changed, not “retreated from.” With “escape” you’re dealing with two versions of reality: reality itself and “illusion of reality.” With comfort you’re creating, changing, molding, and shaping your own reality. When you are aware of this distinction, and controlling the direction, your relationship improves on many levels.

True comfort in a relationship comes only from true strength. Only a truly strong man can create his own reality. And true strength comes from sound mind, true character, desire and the willingness to pay the price to create that comfort for her and for you. That means, learning, studying, reading and working on “reality creation”… developing the ability to create your own outcomes with attraction, with money, with your health and with your relationships. When you can do that, you will achieve fulfillment.

When she knows you can create a reality for her and you in these areas she will feel true comfort, even if she herself is already capable of creating these things for herself. Why would a “capable woman” settle for an “incapable man” who can provide only escape, not true comfort? The answer is, she won’t, at least not for long. She may indulge herself in escape for a bit, but when the escape is over and it’s time to get back to reality, she’ll continue her search for the MAN who provides her with true comfort in the relationship she wants.

The lesson is this: if you feel you’re ready for a long term relationship with a wonderful woman who makes every part of your day brighter, you must be strong enough to create true comfort for her. If not, you will only create escape, and your time with her will be momentary. Escape is great for some things, even as part of a long term relationship, but not as its foundation. When it’s true comfort you’re providing her she will stay with you until the end… and beyond.

Before rushing out to meet new, single women seeking a relationship, make an inventory of things that are important to you, and topics you like to talk about. Put these in your bag of tricks.

• What is the vision for your future?

• What are you most passionate about?

• What are the important changes in your life?

• What do you enjoy doing?

• Who are the important figures in your life?

• What future plans are you most excited about?

• What do you fret or worries about?

• What are the events that may have change your life?

• What’s are your views on the current world affairs?

Your answers to these questions will let her know and understand how you relate to the world around you. Be specific and definite on your answers, communicate your enthusiasm, make your feelings and values known.

The Down-side for Shy Men

Nothing beats doing your homework; prepare topics to talk about ahead of time if you find it difficult to talk to single women. Here are some recommendations for conversational

starting points:

• Stock up on sizzling, inoffensive jokes. Be sure to deliver the punch line correctly.

• Practice telling stories of 3 or 4 attention-grabbing or exciting events that you recently experienced on family or friends, in front of a mirror or a tape recorder.

• Be prepared to talk about news of interests.

• Watch up-to-date movies and read some of the latest bestsellers. Eventually, you will come across single women who have seen the same movies or read the same books - establishing a common ground on which to stand on!

We found this posting on the RWG forum from “Smooth Operator”, and had to share it. This is an excellent article to look at when looking for a Russian bride, or even just deciding to get into Russian dating.

Gentlemen, we have all read and understood RWG’s Tablets Of Stone, which I contend is more pertinent for the initial stages of a distant correspondence relationship with a Russian woman. The Tablets are helpful to prevent newbies from falling into simple money traps, most likely an alleged female correspondent who is actually Yuri trying to scam gullible men. If you are a regular user of RW Guide, chances are that you are smart enough not to have sent money before meeting any woman in person first. That, however, is an easy scam to uncover, and you will find later on that scams can be far more complex. Always remember that countries of the former Soviet Union are poor societies built on dishonesty, with liars, thieves and scammers everywhere. There are real women in cahoots with shady agencies, and there are also gold diggers and professional daters to stay alert for.

Forget about Yuri posing as a woman online. You are smart enough to uncover that scam. You verify your correspondent’s identity and send her flowers, or you employ the services of a third party or even a detective to prove her identity. So what? That does not mean Sexy Olga has no intentions of cleaning out your wallet, or to get jewelry, fine dinners, expensive vacations and expensive goods at your expense. No man wants to be used like that, so I have devised my own version of The Tablets Of Stone to help prevent that.

1. Look Out For #1!

2. Always Remember Rule #1

3. Never Lose Control Of Your Emotions

4. Pay Yourself First

5. Be Prepared Financially To Pay Even More

6. Do not Try To Buy Her Love

7. Do not Be So Gullible

8. Do not Be So Accommodating

9. Do not Propose If You Did Not Have Sex With Her

10. Do not Be Afraid To Walk Away

These rules can provide valuable ideas for men to avoid mistakes in honest relationships, and they can be applied to all relationships everywhere. If you follow these Tablets of Smooth, you will find yourself more in control of your relationships, and you would be a professional dater’s nightmare.

Rule #1: Look Out For #1!

This is your foundation, the bedrock fundamental that should always be in the center of your mind. Guys, if you will only learn one thing from my thousandth post–and from all one thousand posts before this one–it will be this one. You can read every one of my posts and come to this theme more often than any other.

The Greatest Love Of All is “learning to love yourself.” Never lose sight of the fact that taking care of yourself should be your top priority in life. Your own life comes before anybody else’s. I do not care how large your woman’s breasts are, or if she is sexier than Raquel Welch in her 20’s. Do not skip the gym because you have a lunch date with her, do not compromise your credit card payment to buy her a very expensive birthday present, do not drop out of grad school to spend more time with her. Never, ever sacrifice anything that is fundamentally important to you and your welfare just because you love her, you claim. As God Himself proclaimed, “Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me,” I proclaim that you shall have no woman before yourself. Your first responsibility in life is to yourself, and there are no exceptions to this rule. Not one!

Among doing good things to yourself to constantly improve your own life, looking out for #1 includes staying in good physical shape by exercising and eating well, too. I mandate proper diet and regular exercise in the School of Smooth. Go to the gym at least every other day, be athletic and strong, and strive for lean body weight. As a goal, your belt should measure at least ten inches smaller than your chest, and your lower body must be proportionate; the only way you can do that is through regular exercise and proper diet. Believe me, your ability to attract women will increase dramatically if you have the perfect body. These may seem superficial, but I contend that the good things you do for yourself should cover all facets of your life: your mind, body and soul.

C’mon now, you can’t hide behind Digital Dreamgirls forever. There comes a time when you have to replace your virtual-world sweethearts with the real thing. On a more serious note though, chatting up girls, for want of a better phrase, can be a huge challenge for some guys to the point where it becomes a major social problem.

It’s all about FEAR! Now if you think about it, ‘fear’ stands for False Evidence Appearing Real, and so many of our fears can be easily conquered by facing up to them. Easier said than done I know, but approached in a systematic way, this ‘how to talk to girls’ scenario will be a thing of the past, but it does require a little action from you.

A few snubs or bare faced rejections are enough to set anyone back that’s for sure, and especially if you are new to the dating game. For some guys a rejection is but water off a ducks back, whereas the more sensitive soles around, who tend to feel more than they think, can take it all very personally and bank it into the negative subconscious.

There’s heaps of advice out there on the internet on how to talk to girls, some of it better than others, and some of it downright nonsense, but one things for sure, you’ll not meet many members of the fairer sex by sitting at home thinking about it. Reading up too much will not help either as it will only present you with complicated solutions to what is in fact a very simple problem.

All woman are different and there’s no one magical approach or chat up line that will have them falling into your arms. The first thing you need to do when starting a conversation with a woman is to kick up a dialogue that will keep her interested. You actually do very little talking once you’ve got her tongue wagging. Did you know that the best conversationalists in the world are those that speak little and listen a lot? Don’t try to impress here with the big I AM. Show interest in her, what she does, what she likes etc. It’s not rocket science, most folks just love the opportunity to talk about themselves if given half the chance.

You will find that the above approach will have her pursuing you if done calmly. Women are attracted to guys that show interest in them and what they have to say. But there is a balance. Don’t appear over interested even if you are. You have come over as confident and to convey the message that you feel you are worthy of their attention, and that you’re giving them an opportunity just by talking to them.

Keep it simple. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Make statements that require responses. Show interest with confident expressions even if you feel shy and inferior inside. Any feelings of inferiority will soon pass once the chit chat has begun.

So when you’re thinking about how to talk to girls, think about it as a game to enjoy, and not a test to pass. This is important. As you had nothing from this relationship to begin with, there’s absolutely nothing to lose. Go in just for the heck of it, and remember, have her do most of the actual talking. When she asks you questions, don’t look at it as an opportunity to reveal your life history or attempt to win her over with stories about your success, tell her as little as possible and maintain an aura of mystery and switch the tables around again so that she becomes the talker, not the listener.

That’s it folks. Just remember KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid which is the best way forward. Try the above a few times and you’ll soon realise you’re as good with the girls as the next guy. Have fun!

Life is really not like the movies. If people’s life was like the movies then every person’s love life would be pretty healthy. There would be no unhappy endings. Let’s face, life is not like the movies. If there’s anything in life that resembles movies it’s the nightmarish things that happen in the middle of movies. I say this because of some endings in movies where relationships end and one party asks if they could still be friends. In the movie world it can still work out, in the real world it just might be a dream.

When your ex asks if you too can still be friends after the relationship, it would make you think a lot. Do you think that this is really possible? It might make you sit back a moment and think very well. But why in the world or how your friendship can last when everything you had in your relationship just broke down. So when an ex ask that question it might only be polite to say “sure why not.” But deep inside both of you know that it might be hard to be good friends again. That expression is just used as a consolation prize for the dumping you had.

People who ask and say yes to these things do not really mean what they are saying. How can both of you be good friends when you have some bitterness? Maybe if the relationship has ended without the bitterness and with common consent. Even though, this will still be hard especially for the first couple of months, because being with the person will make you remind of some stuff that could have and have not been. It would be hard to make these new-ex friendship work really.

This may also happen to persons who have just had a crash and burn during their first couple of dates. When one party thinks you are getting lame, he or she may only say, its best we stay as friends. Yeah right!

How can both of you be friends if you are not able to go out, talk or have fun most of the time. A friend is a person you develop your trust through time. What happens during that time is that you only became acquaintances and not friends.

So it’s pretty stupid too make the other party be on the expecting end. It might happen on some rare occasions. But it would need a whole lot of work, where you would need to remove the emotional baggage. It might also work if you get some Hollywood magic.

Is there magic to what makes some relationships last longer than others? Maybe. Do some people just sit back and sulk, while others seem to let life go by right over their heads and problems? It sure seems so. Or maybe it’s just that some people learn secrets of success from their grandparents or other relatives or friends. And since the latter is probably more accurate, here are some tried and true tips from people who have enjoyed long, happy relationships.

1. REFRESH – Take time to look back, refresh your memories and share what brought you together. Especially when times are difficult, lean back and rely on these old memories as your foundation and glue yourselves back together with them (not literally, of course!)

2. DATES – Keep dating each other. Even if life seems too busy, meet at the end of the evening for something light and easy, like viewing your favorite sitcom (record it if necessary) together or playing a game of Euchre.

3. FUN – Couple tend to have fun on dates, then get married and too serious. Lighten up. Head to Yahoo Games (off Yahoo.com main site) and join in any number of card or other games. Or head to a local rental shop and rent an Xbox or other game player and some games.

4. FORGET – No need to “always” remember the bad things that happened during an argument. Actively “forget” sometimes. Be the first to apologize and make up. Go for it!

5. SPACE – Give each other some space. Either you trust or you don’t. Get on with life, though. People need time alone and time with their mates and other friends. Be sure to give and take your fair share of space.

6. DISAGREE – Agree that it’s okay to disagree on some issues, and leave it at that. No need to create a new religion or political movement just to appease both of you. You don’t HAVE to agree on everything. And you won’t. And that’s okay.

7. MEMORIES – Make some together. Enjoy special moments, special anniversary dates and events. No need to be elaborate. For example, maybe you enjoyed watching a hot air balloon race one spring day. The next year, you might schedule time to watch it again. Make it an annual event. Collect postcards with balloons on the, playing cards, toss pillows…over time it becomes a theme.

So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship.

As bad and sad as the experience of a dating or romance scam is, there is a need to heal from it.

It is an experience that many victims who have been through it have described as being worse than a nightmare.

Although they never bargained for the romance scam when they began to look for a date online, yet when the romance scam happened, they didn’t imagine that the experience would be so horrible as it later turned out to be.

Some victims told me that they couldn’t sleep at night for days afterwards.

Rather, they would cry their eyes out on their bed.They let me know that they would wish that the whole incidence was a dream and that it would just go away.

But it never did.

The experience stayed with them for a while before they got over it. And many others who use the internet all over the Western world are still going through the same experience till date.

From my interactions, counseling sessions and experiences with many victims of the scams, here are some tips to use in getting over this scam:

1. Do not keep what happened to you secret: Find someone to talk to about what happened. Don’t keep your experience a secret just because you want to avoid being embarrassed or being ashamed.

It always helps to find someone whom you trust totally to confide in about what happened to you.

It is best to look for someone who will not condemn you for what happened. At the time it hits you that you have been scammed, you do not need a judge or a critic.

You need someone on whose shoulders you can cry on, someone who o can just listen to you, without making you feel guilty.

Look for such a person and talk to the person about what happened to you. It helps a lot to do this.

2.Avoid blaming yourself: blaming yourself won’t help matters at all. By engaging in the blame game, you would only be complicating matters for yourself.

It won’t help you to heal fast, but will only hurt you the more emotionally.You need to break free from blaming yourself, or from being held down by the victim mentality.

You can’t get over the experience if you keep blaming yourself. No matter what you did wrong, you need to avoid blaming yourself .

The time after the romance scam is not the time to look for whom to blame. What you need to do is to get over it first.

3.Look for professional help where necessary: if you can’t handle the experience alone, or with the person you shared with, then you need to see a professional counselor or minister to help you out.

In some cases of the romance scams, especially those in which the love affair had been going on for long before the scam took place, it might be better to seek professional help in addition to other sources of help.

This is due to the fact that such victims are often unwilling to let go of what to them seemed real and are too taken in by the illusion that they were in love with.

Their reluctance to let go of the experience could actually be a problem to them, and as such, they will need professional help to get over the experience.

Also, people who have experienced cases of depression due to the romance scam are advised to seek medical help.

Good and healthy relationships are an important part of human life. Relationships usually develop when individuals realize that differences make life exciting. Different types of relationships are friendships, romances, work and school related connections and familial ties. Good relationships grow when people consider each other as partners in life and not see them in terms of money, property or anything else that they are obsessed with.

Healthy relationships prosper only in a gradual manner. It takes time and energy for partners to realize each other. Relationships grow and change over time. Therefore it is important that people acquire the skills that keep their relationships happy and healthy. Relationships flourish into true and loving bonds when people choose to share rather than change each other.

There are no formal programs that teach us about building good relationships. It is something that one picks up by watching others, normally parents or anyone in the immediate family. But, today many youngsters do not want to follow in their parents-footsteps.

Quite a few factors are involved in building good relationships. An important thing in a relationship is good friendship. Good relationships are truly friendships. Willingness to talk through things and to share positive and negative feelings with each other, all contribute to healthy relationships. It is important to avoid jealousy, possessiveness and competition, since they reflect individual fears and insecurities.

To build a healthy marital relationship, it is good to show interest in your partner’s feelings and dreams. A person must take responsibility for his actions and feelings, and encourage his partner to do the same. The next important thing is “establishing trust”. All relationships survive on trust. It is essential to express trust in your partner constantly.

To keep a good relationship with someone at work, you should understand that he is a person who deserves to be treated with admiration and courtesy. It is wiser to avoid making comments about him. One has to consider a colleague as an equal. This is a primary building block for healthy relationships.

A good and healthy relationship is worth any price. Yet it cannot be purchased with currency. Sensible people spend time to develop good friendships steadily, and maintain a vigilant watch so that they do not weaken in course of time.