Adult Dating

I don’t think anyone has to tell you that relationships are complicated. There are lots of resources out there that try and explain or give advice on how to handle them. However, as I have read, I find many of them lacking. They cover mostly the common sense stuff, like saying “I love you” and remembering anniversaries, but they leave off some of the uglier truths about relationships. So lets fill in a few of the gaps.

Getting Outside Help

What I have noticed is that most guides cover issues affecting newer relationships. Only specialized books cover problems that accompany long-term couplings and they again usually dish out the same advice about rekindling the flames of love, when in fact there may not always be any sparks left to rekindle.

When the fire starts to leave a long-term relationship let nature take its course. When partners gets bored that is when they cheat. But looking for fulfillment outside the relationship can be an important test. The outside fling will inevitably lead to a confrontation. If there is nothing to salvage in your relationship, you’ll fight and eventually split and move on. If the love is still there the infidelities will bring it to the surface and can often save the relationship and may even make it stronger than ever.

Yes it is painful and no it is not fool proof but this is how it usually ends up anyway even after all the role playing and counseling. In newer relationships outside trials are more accepted as a test. “Let’s see other people!” is a familiar phrase, and often it is agreed (however reluctantly) by both parties that this is a good test as to the strength of the burgeoning relationship.

Don’t Poke Out The Wandering Eye

There are of course signs that a relationship is losing steam, among them is a waning sex life, emotional distancing and strange charges on credit card statements. But checking out a nice ass is not a sign of anything but being alive. This goes for both women and men. A quick tip for this very common situation is do not turn it into a fight, turn it into a night. When you catch your partner taking a gander at some passing eye candy, instead of blowing a perfectly normal human reaction out of proportion, turn it into a game. Playfully tease them about getting caught; this can lead to a strengthening of bonds plus a greater trust and understanding.

Address The Issue

Instead of going into the signs of a deteriorating relationship, lets take a look at some common causes that are often overlooked and usually play a bigger role than forgetting an important date or never buying flowers.

Very often, in a relationship people become comfortable with each other and their life together. The drive to attract a mate fades away and the first thing to go is attention to ones appearance. This is, either consciously or sub-consciously, a major factor in holding things together. It is after all the reason you got together in the first place and is the basis of almost all human attraction. If he lusted after your firm round ass or she got fluttery over your six-pack (or any other combination), you had better keep those things as long as you can. Basically if you let yourself go, be prepared to be let go.

This is especially true for women. The harsh truth is that women begin loving men for their “details” much sooner in a relationship. For men the primary attraction will remain physical for much longer. So ladies those little idiosyncrasies that melt your heart 3 months into it, are not going to be a major factor in his feeling towards you for maybe 10 months. So if that tiny waste-line goes early on then so will his attention. But this does not let the guys off the hook either, she may love you for the way you hold a sandwich, but don’t forget it is your ripping back she is digging her nails into.

When The End Comes

Fortunately or unfortunately, whatever the circumstances, relationships come to an end. It is always nice to end things as friends, after all this person has been an important part of your life and it would be a shame to lose them all together. But be warned, the “Lets be friends” breakup has hidden hazards. Think very carefully before you make promises; can you truly handle seeing your former partner with another? If you cannot handle the image of your ex heaving sweaty breaths of passion under the pleasures of another, you are not keeping a friend, you are dragging out a one sided relationship and heading for even greater heartbreak.

This is especially important for guys. Men have a greater sense of detachment between sex and emotion, but men are also prone to territorialism and when you toss emotion in there it is a bad mix. Where as for a woman the thought of her man with a new lover is heartbreaking, it can be violently infuriating to a man. Most of the time the real pain of a breakup for a guy is not so much losing a life partner, but being replaced by another guy.

So the best thing to do if you decide to try and be friends is, don’t expect to move from lovers to buddies over night. Take it slow and keep distance in the beginning. If there is a friendship there, a few months of not seeing each other, and more importantly NOT knowing what is happening in the others life, will not hurt a thing. True friends can get together after years of no contact and pick up right where they left off. The important thing is to understand that when it is over it is over. Dragging out a failed relationship is the worse thing that you can do to yourself.

Childhood Lessons

All of this applies even more the younger you are. With youth comes the need to grow and experience, which includes relationships. As children your heart is free to be fickle, because social convention allows a child’s love to be non-committal. So why do we put such a burden on ourselves as adults?

We should take a page from childhood. What we devalue by calling a childhood crush was in fact love, perhaps even more pure than we are capable of in adulthood. The heartbreaks are the same; watching your love in 6th grade share milk with another was no less painful as it is seeing them having a secret luncheon with another at 35.

However, very often our youthful passions of 20 years past are revisited fondly in our memories; the first kiss under the bleachers, or running off for the day just to explore that warmth of being together. When you look back you can still feel the glow in your heart often to such a degree that even the recollection of the loves end is a fond memory. Where as an adult, many times we cannot recall one good thing about a realtionship we had 6 months ago. So when did we lose this ability to recover from heartbreak and move from love to love enjoying the moment of it without regret or malice? More importantly, how can we regain it?

The Big Square Dance

Love comes and goes; perhaps our quest to find that one perfect soul mate is where our heartache lays. If we were to embrace each relationship for the time that it exists and then set it off joyfully when it ends, celebrating the experience, instead of mourning the lose, maybe we would be happier. Instead of dragging along the baggage and pain we do now, we would carry from relationship to relationship all the positives and joy of the previous. We would quite literally be sharing the love. Then if you think about it, with all there is to learn from one another, it is unfair to ourselves and certainly selfish towards others to lock into a pairing and never branch out.

In that, no relationship would ever really end.

As you well know, there’s a stereotype about older, probably divorced men dating younger women. Sometimes much younger. The worn-out story tells about a guy in his late 30’s or older looking to “trade in” his wife on a “younger model”. Think of a 23 or 24 year old “hottie” and you are on the right track, but don’t rule out anyone (or anything) female who is “legal” (read: “18 or older”). Basically, such a guy is in search of an “arm ornament”.

What an insult.

One time when I still had an online profile posted, I received an email from a spunky, redheaded, and very cute eighteen-year-old girl (yeah, I said “girl”, not “woman”). After a lengthy rant in email form about how “all the guys her own age were boring” and such, she announced she wanted to “settle down and have about ten kids or so”. Considering she had spent what must have been a half-hour composing this message to me, I felt somewhat obligated to at least respond (a belief which I by no means impose upon those of you reading this, incidentally). Although tempted to reply with one of my typical single-liners (in this case, “You lost me at ‘hello’”), I went the more pragmatic route.

I explained that I was flattered, and I was sure she was a wonderful, albeit verbose person. But at 39 years of age I doubted I had ten more kids tucked away in my future.

One of you guys out there reading this is currently throwing something at your computer monitor and exclaiming, “WHAT? Are you NUTS?” I assure you that I am perfectly sane.

Oh yeah.

You see, I have a hypothesis that you may find particularly interesting in its irony. I firmly believe that most, if not all older men who obsess about dating girls younger than legal drinking age have something in common: they CAN’T do so. That’s right—any older man who actually CAN get a date with a very young woman will quickly tire of it. It’s the old philosophy at work here called “getting kills wanting”. Sure, young women are cuties and all. But to tell you the truth, if I am going to be babysitting anyone, I’d rather get paid for it than shelling out the bucks myself for a date. Know what I mean?

Oh sure, I’ve dated my share of younger women over the past few years. As a guy in my late thirties I did my darnedest to justify it, even giving several women about 25 or 26 an honest shot thinking they were “exceptionally mature”. In the end, they weren’t.

As you might imagine, the thought of dating younger women eventually gave way to more rational thought. Finally, after more “lab testing” than I care to mention, I happened upon a more innovative frame of mind that has yet to fail me.

So, what is the “silver bullet”?

Like many things I talk about around here, it’s disarmingly simple: I have realized that the greatest find in the world is a woman closer to my age who seems exceptionally young for her age.

Really now, how can you miss with this approach? If I am with a 35 year old woman who still gets carded routinely because she seems 23, I’ve beaten the “system” (whatever that means). In such a person, I find all of the vibrant, youthful, enthusiastic beauty of a younger woman wrapped in the mature persona of a REAL woman who can relate with me to the mid-80’s. What more could a guy want?

Now, for all of you women out there who are reading this and offended…stay that way. Why? Because you somehow read that I want a woman who looks 12 years younger than she is, and it’s an exceptionally rare woman who can pull that off.

Granted. That’s why I was careful to say “seems 23” instead of “looks 23”. Everyone, man or woman, has control over how he or she chooses to act. Whoever you are, keep an adventurous, fun attitude of enjoyment toward what life has to offer and you will absolutely, positively be sending all the right messages. Now if you take care of yourself physically and stay away from the “free radicals” that a life of hardcore partying hands down, so much the better. But that said, the vast majority of what we are discussing here comes down to attitude.

So make no mistake…a woman CAN give a man her own age exactly what he is looking for. It’s just tragic that most women DON’T do so, causing so many older guys to look to younger woman for the excitement they crave.

And guys, the same holds true for us. Sure, grow UP. Be mature, have things handled and don’t act like an immature little boy. But never, ever lose that sparkle in your eye. Keep the youthful excitement about life and a healthy sense of adventure and you’ll literally mesmerize women.

How cool is all of this, right? Great. Now go deserve what you want.

Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications

Do you know how people think their partner should instinctively know how to meet their needs in a marriage? Read on to discover a communication technique that will enhance your relationship and get your needs met.

Even if you have been married forty years, your spouse still needs you to communicate with them. Most of us are not married to telepaths who can read our mind. However, if your husband has pointed ears and can do the Vulcan mind meld, then you may be married to a telepath and this does not apply to you.

Many people expect their spouses to be a Vulcan and automatically know what they need and want. I like to call this the psychic phenomenon.

Mild Psychic Phenomenon

At times, we all fall into the trap of believing our spouse automatically knows what we want. Usually this is over simple matters and there are not any lasting effects. It happens randomly.

For example, my wife asked me what cereal I wanted from the store. I told her that it did not matter to me. Although I did not have a preference at that time, my telepathy told me that she would not buy shredded wheat.

Of course you know where this story is going. My wife bought shredded wheat. I thought she could read my mind and assumed she would not buy that type of cereal.

This was a single isolated incidence and had no long-term repercussions on our marriage. I just ate shredded wheat for a week.

Moderate Psychic Phenomenon

Moderate issues form when one spouse has expectations of what the other spouse will do without discussing it.

For example, a wife expects her husband to help her clean up the kitchen after dinner. He assumes that she will take care of it and goes to watch a ball game. Over time, she gets frustrated and starts to build resentment toward him because he is not helping.

She needs to let him know that she wants help cleaning. This is a single issue that can be resolved if the couple will start discussing their expectations.

Severe Psychic Phenomenon

This occurs when someone is not able to be honest and assertive about his or her needs. Over time, they become angry and resentful that their needs are not being met. Then the relationship stops working for them and they explode.

However, it is because they did not let their partner know what they needed. In fact, their partner is often shocked because they thought everything was going well.

I have seen many cases when a wife never addressed issues that bothered her. She buried it for years until she reached a breaking point.

He was clueless that there was even a problem. She thought he should have intuitively known that there was a problem. She obviously thought that she had married a mind reader.

This could be avoided with honesty and openness about her needs.

Your marriage can “live long and prosper” (Star Trek)

Most of us are not experts at the Vulcan mind meld. Therefore, we need to clearly voice the expectations, desires and needs we have. This is one step to help your marriage “live long and prosper” (Star Trek).

Maybe today is the day you should seriously consider how you can stop living in a quiet desperation and bring a new sense and purpose to your life. Maybe you have been waiting and searching for an elusive love that has never arrived, you have endured in your search but it seems you simply can’t win.

If you seem to be going nowhere with your love life, if you are tired of months and years of unhappy relationships that lead nowhere, it may be that you are not following the right advice and that’s why you are just moving in circles chasing a dream that you can’t bring to reality.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel, life can be brighter for you and you can finally find your lost love life once and forever. It is just matter of following the right advice. But what’s the right advice? By all means it will be the one that is based on experience and real life situations.

Real life will place you in front of a number of situations that are common to all of us. The secret is to learn how to overcome the different situations in a successful manner. For example when you are looking for your perfect partner you must first learn how to reframe rejection in order that you feel powerful, not diminished so you won’t quit on your search. Also you must understand the way you can control your emotions so that you become the main factor on your feeling good and not the others. You must learn too what is the most important factor in giving you the confidence you need when dating that woman you like. And mainly how to appreciate yourself so that you won’t settle with what others left for you but get a relationship with the kind of person that’s is the right for you.

Do you want to date beautiful young women every weekend? Do you wan to have the confidence to know that you can get with any woman you want? How do you seduce young women?

First, I want to make a point to say that when I am referring to young women I do not mean minors in any way, shape, or form. I am talking about women that are younger than you. Anyone under 18 should not be reading this and any man over 18 should not be dating women under 18.

Ok on with how to seduce young woman. So how in the world can you go from zero to hero? It is not as complicated as you think. There is one thing that any man, whether a model or a geek, can have over any woman. What is it? Confidence.

Women love confidence. They find it sexy, attractive, and irresistible. This is your weapon. Now we need to learn how to build this new found confidence so we can use this weapon.

There are a few tips I can give you to use to build confidence in yourself. First, the next party or bar you go to start by walking in like you own the place, and as soon as you see a beautiful woman walk right up to here and strike up a conversation. Make her smile and face your fear of talking to beautiful women. Even if she blows you off every other woman in the room will have noticed.

You will have women beating down your door with this trick. Believe it or not you will be surprised at the success you will have with this little trick. You will also be surprised how much easier it becomes to talk to beautiful women.

You have to be able to face your fears. The longer you wait the harder things get and the more afraid you will become. Face your fears and conquer them. This will lead you to more confidence and that will lead you to more women.

Use these two tips to build your confidence and you are sure to attract more women. Your new self worth will do wonders for your life and your dating.

Did you know that two out of five single people in the UK now use some kind of on line dating service? That’s 40% of all singles! Unfortunately, the percentage of these people who actually find a real romance as a direct result of their site memberships is very low - probably less than 10%.

Why is this? Well, it’s true that some sites are better than others; they have more traffic, they are better to navigate; they just ‘work’ whilst others just don’t. But what really matters is how you use a site when you actually sign-up to one. Take my word for it, unless you take the five simple steps that I’m about to outline, you may as well do something more productive with your time than join a singles site. What I’m about to say may sound obvious and rather simplistic, but you’d be surprised at how many people don’t bother doing the ‘obvious’. So here goes…

1. Create A Great Profile. This is the most important aspect of your dating site experience. Don’t just say ‘Nice guy seeks nice girl for trips to the cinema’ - how boring does that sound? Take the time to say something about yourself, your lifestyle, your interests and the type of person you’re hoping to meet. And remember to sound happy, upbeat, fun and confident; if you’re miserable about your recent breakup, then keep it to yourself! This isn’t the time for modesty; if you think you’re pretty darn attractive, then be sure to say so. And humour is a real ice-breaker - if you can make someone laugh, they’ll be more likely to want to contact you.

2. Always Upload A Photo. Even if you don’t have a very flattering one to hand, you should always post a pic with your profile. Remember, 95% of people on dating sites only search for other members who have bothered to provide a picture of themselves. You want to see what other potential partners look like so it stands to reason that other people will want to know what you look like too. If your photo isn’t recent or isn’t a great likeness of you, you can always say so in your profile.

3. Be Proactive. Don’t just join a site and expect other people to contact you. Make sure you regularly search the database for people with whom you might be compatible and when you find someone you like the look or sound of, write to them immediately and tell them why you think you might be a good fit.

4. Write Great Emails. OK, you’ve joined a dating site, you’ve searched for other members who fall within your specified categories, and you’ve been presented with a page of matching profiles. You’re eager to fire off a few emails…but what on earth do you say in them? Re-read the paragraph above about creating a great profile and apply the same rules to the first email that you send to another member. If it looks like you can’t be bothered to say much or that you’re sending the same one line message to several people, then they probably wont bother to reply. Tell that person a little about who you are and why you think you might both be compatible - respond directly to what you’ve read in that person’s profile - sound interested and interesting and you’ll get an email by return - sound boring and downbeat and you’ll just be ignored.

5. Check Back With The Site. There are two reasons why you should do this as often as possible. The most obvious one is to keep up to speed with who has joined since you last logged-on; that special someone might have signed-up since you last visited the site so don’t miss out. However, what most people don’t realise is that when you log-in to a dating site, your profile moves up the listings on the internal search engine which means that you are more likely to be spotted and subsequently contacted by other people. Don’t be a stranger to the site you’ve joined and I recommend that you visit the site at least once a day during the lifetime of your membership.

So there you have it - 5 easy ways to make your chosen dating site work for YOU. Have fun and happy hunting!

What is the law of attraction? How does it work? How can we examine it and even understand it? We would like everything in our life to be attractive the way love or wealth is! More often than ever we hear people stating that a positive thinking will ensure a good turning into reality of your dreams. Who wouldn’t like this law of attraction working for him?How a thought attracts another thought:We notice that people tend to get attracted to people like them; for instance we have minded people attracted to other minded people. Beauties attract beauties; smart people are attracted by smart people while virtue attracts virtue. This is how the law of attraction works. What we call psychic energy is generated by the human emotions. Whether we like it or not or whether we wish a certain thing or not the attraction still exists. Even if it exists, in this whole process you might have it work for you or not. You will know that the law of attraction worked for you if you notice that your life is better than it used to be. It’s all up to you. Nevertheless, you need to stay focus on things such as your purposes, love, and truth and so on and so forth.It happens often enough to have the mind filled with senseless or negative thoughts which means that our entire life is based on such unconstructive and negative thinking. There is no conscious in the law of attraction that might tell whether your judgment is a good or a bad one. What the law actually knows is the way you think about something. So what you need to do is to stop visualizing the life you lead and to try to see the one you would like to have. There must be some purposes you would like to attain. Visualize them and use the techniques that will help you turn them into real things. This is how the law of attraction works.One only has to follow some rules which are quite simple and they will get the ideal life. Stop complaining about every little single thing you don’t like about your life. Start acting responsible. Try to follow some examples: take for instance as models the persons who are successful in their life. Make some notes and start setting some purposes for you to attain; think pink, have positive big dreams. You will soon notice that the law of attraction really works, so does the mantra.Once you will start thinking positive you will, see how things will start changing for you in a good way. Choose the company of optimistic people and you’ll become one soon enough. Choose the path you would like the law of attraction to work and it will.

Men believe that when it comes to down to it, they really need to know everything about how to attract girls prior to becoming successful with them.Bottom line is that a man can know absolutely NOTHING about how to attract girls and still attract girls. Sounds kind of contradictory right?Or get this… you can know everything about how to attract girls, the right things to do and say, and the thing to avoid and still not attract any girls!Knowing all that, why would you still want to look into the techniques on how to attract girls if they are practically “useless?”Well, it is possible because there is power in acting “AS IF” you know how to attract girls when approaching girls is always going to be greater than waiting until you know how to attract girls before approaching girls.As for the reason you should learn how to attract girls it really quite simple.You see, it’s easier to learn from people who are where you want to be and beyond. You can leverage their successes and failures and do your best to follow in the footsteps of those who have succeeded before you.In other words, it’s like a short cut to success. You can stumble and do it on your own and you MAY succeed, but you MAY NOT succeed. If you can learn from others it could save you a lot of hardship.Obviously, just how quickly it will take you to learn really depends on the person you choose to follow and how much time you take to practice the techniques you learn.Deciding that you should know how to attract girls before you actually go out there and start attracting girls is the simplest way to stay in the exact same place you are right now except with a more knowledge on the subject. It’s not going to do you any good. Find someone to teach you, i.e. Fabricio Cruz, and follow their methods. Practice, practice, practice and you’ll attract the girl of your dreams faster than what you are doing now.

This week I want to focus on how important it is to say the right things in your mind to succeed with single women. It makes a big difference in what thoughts to feed your mind to improve your love life.

For instance, losers with women make up excuses in their minds by telling themselves, “I can’t because ” To be a success with women you need to reverse this thinking and say in your mind, “I can or “I want to.”

So, to sum it up, you need to create a new vocabulary to feed your mind positive affirmations. Here are a few examples:

1. Don’t say, “I will try to meet some new women.” Instead say, “I will meet some new women.”

2. Don’t say, “I will try to approach women that I’m attracted to.” Instead say, “I will approach women that I’m attracted to.”

3. Don’t say, “I can’t meet any women.” Instead say, “I can meet any woman I desire.”

In closing, don’t focus on your past failures with women. The future is now and focus all your energy and attention on succeeding with women now. Never give up until you have reached your objectives in dating.

Although most of us don’t realize it, we are in the construction business. Much of the time, we are building bridges. Sometimes we spend a great deal of time constructing elaborate bridges that are meant to stand forever. Sometimes we build less stable bridges that become cracked and need new concrete to fix them. And at other times, we are demolishing and tearing down the spans that connect opposite sides.

In reality, our bridges extend out to other people, inviting the give-and-take involved in any relationship. Like bridges, our relationships are only as good as the effort we put into their construction. We can learn to build better bridges that will lead to better relationships. But first, we have to learn some fundamentals of architecture.

Relationship building was not taught to us in any formal program: it was something we picked up by observing others, usually our parents or someone else in our immediate family. Not all of us had perfect role models, and so many of us don’t formally understand the dynamics of relationships.

But all that is changing. One reason is because of the abundance of material that is published on the subject of love and relationships. Another reason is a change in attitudes caused by the new world we are living in.

Many younger people of today do not want to follow in their parent’s footsteps. Most of the parents of today grew up during the Industrial Age, where work meant security, no matter how bad the job. And they often focused on material things. They would work hard to get the things they wanted. As a result, their relationships often took a backseat to their work.

The younger generation of today have a different ethic. In the Information Age they know that to be successful you have to work smarter and not harder. They know you have to work hard, but they won’t sell their souls. The younger generation of today is much more conscious of the role that relationships play in their happiness.

The most rewarding relationships are at home with those you deeply love, your spouse, children, and parents. These key relationships can provide supreme gratification. If someone has his or her home life in order, often the other aspects of their life are working well too. But the home can be a real pressure cooker, and it takes time and effort to make these relationships work.

Just as good relationships take time to build, the erosion of relationships doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process, developing as pressure mounts over the years. Life is simpler when you’re younger, you don’t have children and you don’t have any major hassles. But, in 10 years, things change. You now have a mortgage, car payments, doctor bills, and college tuition to think about. You’re constantly thinking about how to survive. And, before you know it, you’re not putting any time into your relationships, especially with your spouse, the most important person in your life. Your relationship has gone from a top priority to a low one. That’s when you have to get your life back in order.

How do you reestablish your relationship? Here are four ways that will help:

1. Spend more time together. People don’t spend enough time with each other. Some problem or event always takes precedent. You have to set aside time for each other and stick to your time commitment.

2. Spend more time talking. Open the line of communication. Don’t just talk about the problems you’re experiencing. Talk about your hopes and goals for the future.

3. Spend more time touching. People often hold back from showing affection as relationships erode. Maintain the intimacy through touching. It keeps you close and connected.

4. Establish trust. All relationships survive on trust. It’s important to convey trust to your partner constantly.

Getting a relationship at home back on track is possible. But it takes time, at least 10 to 12 months. So it’s important for you to take things slowly. Don’t try to a lot of changes all at once. Just make one major change at a time.

You can often prevent yourself from ever having relationship problems in the first place by constantly reexamining your life. Discuss your goals and priorities with your spouse or partner. The process of acquiring material possessions, status, and success has taken its toll on many relationships. You don’t want to damage your relationship as you pursue the American Dream.

To maintain a good relationship with someone either at home or at work, you must realize the he or she is a person who deserves to be treated with respect, courtesy, and dignity. You must avoid making judgments about him or her. You must see the other person as your equal. This is a fundamental building block for relationships, but it’s amazing how many people disregard it.

Ask yourself this question, and be honest when you answer: “When I meet someone, am I making judgments regarding this person, which will get in the way of a relationship, or am I genuinely interested in knowing this person?” Many people make judgments when they first meet someone. They will say to themselves: “This person is old” or “I don’t like the way this person is dressed.” When you do this, it automatically creates stumbling blocks for a successful relationship.

It’s amazing how many parents don’t really communicate with their children. This doesn’t happen when the kids are younger; it happens when they grow into adults and develop their own ideas and lifestyles. Many parents are never willing to relinquish the role of authority, and this leads to conflict. Whereas, if they were to look at their children as adults, everything would be equal.

Upholding this principle is equally important in the workplace. At work, it is very important to have equally-minded, non-threatening relationships. For example, it can be clear from the start that you are the person in charge of the department, the boss. But it’s important to treat everyone with the dignity and respect they deserve. If that comes through loud and clear, your subordinates will do their jobs more effectively, and you will come out ahead in the long run. You will have earned their trust and respect.

When pursuing better relationships, three behaviors that must be set aside, or eliminated completely, are jealousy, possessiveness, and competition.

Jealousy is an unconscious desire to suffer and blame other people for our pain. Our ego gives us double messages. On one hand, it tells us to seek love because our heart is empty, and, on the other hand, it tells us that we can’t trust love because sooner or later, we’ll be rejected. When we feel jealous, it seems to prove the ego right.

Our ego may disguise jealousy as love. We do this by stating that we have the other person’s best interests in mind when, in reality, we are attempting to control and possess the other person.

The need to totally possess another person is damaging to a healthy relationship. The ego wants to possess things and people, and it is never satisfied. No matter what it gets, it is never enough, and because love is missing, it frequently becomes bored with its possessions.

An extraordinary need for competition is equally harmful. Our lack of self-confidence often drives us to see our sense of self-worth outside ourselves. This is often expressed in competition. When we perform better than another person, we may feel good about ourselves momentarily. But when another person performs better than we do, we often feel jealous because it triggers our own lack of self-worth.

These three behaviors, jealousy, possessiveness, and competition, reflect our own fears and insecurities. But we can combat these destructive behaviors by unconditionally accepting the ones we love. When we do this, it causes these three tendencies to fade and become less and less of an influence in our relationships. That’s when better, longer, and more satisfying relationships can be established.

A healthy relationship is worth any price. Yet it can’t be bought with money. Take the time to build good friendships gradually, and keep a vigilant watch so that you don’t undermine your efforts with destructive tendencies. If you are working on reconstructing an existing relationship, be patient and persevere. And remember, anything that happened before is simply water under the bridge.

Copyright© by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.