Adult Dating

In “Basic Instinct,” Sharon Stone crosses her legs and reveals her “woman-hood” all for her employee and the world to see. That scene became one of the most memorable moments in entertainment history and is only one of the thousands seduction scenes we see in movies today.

The thing is what they do in the movies, you can also do in real life. But before you exert any effort, you have to make sure that the person you are going to seduce deserves it. Trust your instincts. Is he or she worth seducing?

Before you seduce anybody, make sure that you are confident. Are you happy with how you look and how you dress? How are you in making conversation? If you have a couple of problems in those areas, work on it first. If you feel confident with your looks, your brains and your skills, then that’s when you start seducing.

Seduction can come in any form. It can be through eye contact or during conversations. First, eye contact. Just by looking at a person with a ‘come hither’ expression, if he or she is not dense, then you will be able to get your point across. Next, conversation. How much of it should be about you and about the other person? If you talk about yourself, choose some areas that could boost you to him or her? If you ride horses, bring that up, then leave some to the imagination.

For some, the excitement from seduction is more on the chase. It is the thrill you get in enticing that person to come to you. For men, this is a turn on for them. Just the thought of wanting someone and pursuing them is exciting enough.

If you are to seduce an object of your affection, make it a point that the two of you will be alone at the right time and at the right place. Better if that will be the case for a long period of time. There are situations wherein your subject is in the same place as you. Take for example, a colleague from work. Now that adds more to the thrill - especially if he or she is throwing signs right back at you. If you are sure that the attraction is mutual and there is flirting, then it would only add up to your arousal.

Do not rush it. Relish it.

Sometimes though, we get carried away by our own delusions that we convince ourselves they are interested when in fact they are not. There are clues you should watch out for such as body language. Look at their eyes. Eyes are not only the mirrors to one’s soul. It could also be the mirrors to one’s heart or loin. Whichever, eyes are the give-away if he or she is into you. Trust your instincts. Compare how he or she talks to you? Is it different from how he or she talks to others?

Flirt - but not too much. When seducing our subjects, flirting is necessary. But once we go overboard - it can be a turn-off, especially if women do the first move. However, a man still wants to be re-assured that a woman is interested. It will only encourage him to pursue her more. For women, play ‘getable-when-worked-for’ instead of ‘hard-to-get.’

You have to get your intentions clear. If the attraction is just sex, then let it be just about sex. No strings attached. But if a party (most of the time, it’s the woman) wants to bring it up to another level, then it is better to talk about it.

Seduction is also a two-way street. If one of you is not interested, then the other may be rejected. But if there is hope to this flirtation, then surrender. Give in to your pleasures and act out those desires.

Do you think that relationships automatically develop into mature partnerships? They do, if both partners are willing to work at it. And yes, there is work involved.

However, there are several reasons why relationships don’t work well. We will put in here just five of those biggest reasons.

1. FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE MORE – in any relationship, communication is essential. One needs to let the other person know what is in his or her mind. We cannot keep on second-guessing the other person. Open communication even becomes critical so as not to misunderstand each other. Problems arise when one partner expects the other to read his or her mind and you will agree with me that this is close to impossible.

My wife for example is an introvert. In our 1st years of marriage whenever she gets angry she just keeps quiet all the time and I get frustrated because it was like I was talking to a wall. But later she too realized that it was necessary for her to communicate and express herself in order to reconcile and put the unity back between us. We must also seek to be a listener and have an attitude like this:” I want to understand her so that I can know why she thinks and feels that way.”

2. SELFISHNESS - difficult as this may sound but when we are self-centered, we tend to dismiss the other person’s feelings and say anything we want to say to suit our moods. To be outward-looking is to be concerned of the feelings of the other person. You can ask yourself ”Did I make him happy today or did I hurt his feelings?” Most of the time because of pride we tend to hurt the other. In order to maintain unity in a relationship, we need to remove our pride. How? By thinking and caring more for the other person and trying to serve him better.

3. LACK OF SHOW OF AFFECTION – we are social people. We interact with each other. One of the best ways to relay our feelings and concerns is a gentle touch, a warm hug, a peck in the cheek and other means of showing our affection. It is important to say “You know that I love you…” to the person dearest to you. However you need to also to show your love outwardly one way or another. For example, I make it a point to kiss my wife goodbye every time I leave for work. Affection brings warmth and closeness to each other.

4. RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT GOD CENTERED – Christians look at the phrase “Put God first in your Life”. Christians believe that GOD is LOVE and experience His immense love. With the awareness of putting God in the relationship, we elevate that relationship into a higher plane, a higher level. This is an INCREDIBLE way of enhancing the relationship. Trust, concern, caring, being kind, forgiveness etc. naturally follows with this awareness that God is around, guiding the relationship.

5. ABSENCE OF FRIENDSHIP – “we’re lovers, not friends” as a saying goes. But let’s face it, being married for say, 7 years would make any couple fall from the ‘romantic’ state and settle to a “dry” relationship. But keeping in mind that you were friends before you got married and that you did things that you had in common, you can press the “refresh” button and build that friendship. I found out that my wife IS my BEST FRIEND.

Make the first move TODAY; don’t fall for the biggest reasons why relationships don’t work. Instead, communicate, be unselfish, show your affection, think of God and be the best friend to your partner. You’ll be amazed with the results!

Keep it happy, fresh and feeling great!

Little did I know the effect a rose would have on my girl-friend, soon to be fiancé and later bride. After the first few dates I decided to give a single red rose to my girl-friend. I thought it would be a good way to say “I am thinking of you”. The effect was amazing. He face lit up and I could see the joy on her face. The best part happened two weeks later when I came over to visit and it was still there. Weeks went by and it was still on display (after she had dried it of course). That rose is still on display in my house. She told me that I was the first boy to ever give her a rose.

I have given here other gifts but, the rose is the one that she remembered and saved. That single rose symbolized my wanting her to know I was thinking of her. To her it symbolized our blossoming love. That is what she cherishes most. That is why the rose symbolizes so much for her. It really was the perfect gift for her.

Choosing the perfect gift for her is not always easy. I had no idea that the rose would mean so much to my girl friend, now wife. However, there are some guidelines that you can follow for finding that perfect something.

Small

Most of the time smaller is better. Big items are impressive in the moment but often lose their emotional value over time because they have to be stored away, cleaned, or moved often. A general rule of thumb is that if it is a hassle to maintain or to deal with it won’t capture the sentimental value that you want.

Simple

Gifts of this type should be simple. It should have simple, but elegant packaging, and the item itself should be simple. Simplicity allows her to associate the item with what she should cherish most, you love. If it is complicated or requires training it won’t have the effect you desire. Simple is different than practical. Your gift should not be practical. Women just aren’t the practical sex. Imagine giving your wife a pocket knife as a way of saying I love you.

Sacrifice

Your gift should require some sacrifice. This doesn’t always mean that you have to go out and spend a fortune. It could simply mean you sacrifice some time to write her a letter or make her a card. The important thing her is to let her know that you are willing to invest time in her. You will be surprised at how effective a simple well write love note will win her heart.

Timing

As with all things timing is every thing. Give your gift when the moment is right. This can be a planned thing or completely spontaneous but wait until it is right. Wait until she is completely focused on you. Try to do it in a place where there will be no distractions and where she can have your full attention also. This may be at a restaurant, in a car, on her porch, or wherever. Just make sure you are both focused and attentive on each other.

Delivery

When you give her the gift, just do it! Don’t stammer, don’t play it down, don’t look away, just give it to her and say I love you. If you have put time into it and you have timed it right it will speak volumes all by its self. Make sure it is in attractive packaging and is pretty easy to open. If you have a hard time with choosing packaging go and have it professionally wrapped.

Creativity

Let your personality shine through. Remember there are more ways to a girl’s heart than just diamonds and roses. Think of things you have done together, think of her dreams, and think of what she values. Finally you gift will be more memorable if there is a connection to the love that you share.

The perfect gift for her is not such a hard thing to choose. It just takes a little more time thought and creativity. Remember the secret lies in size, sacrifice, timing, delivery, and creativity.

Do you find yourself home on a Friday or Saturday night? Jealous that the television actor has a date and you don’t? Find out strategies on how to attract a guy that will get you off the couch, out the door and on your way to a new you with a new Mr. Right.

Firstly, know what you are looking for. Ask yourself, what kind of a guy you want to attract? Be realistic in your criteria. If you find that you always attract the wrong kind of guy, identify what that is and make the change. If you want to attract a guy that has certain characteristics and attributes, stick to your guns. Remember if you want to attract that guy to your life forever, that’s a long time, it’s going to take time to attract the right guy. Sit down and right down the top 10 attributes that you desire in your mystery guy and read them often. This will open you up to the possibilities around you.

Next, look your best no matter where you go. Attracting a guy could happen at the laundry mat or the grocery store. Don’t limit your sights to Friday or Saturday nights in a bar where it’s dark and alcohol affects any sort of judgment. Go ahead and wear some nice perfume, style your hair, wear your favorite outfit to the grocery store. I have had friends that were able to attract a guy in a traffic jam or the drive thru at Burger King.

You’re making an impression wherever you go and remember the first one makes lasting one. A fragrance that someone will remember, looking good in a particular shirt or pants will leave the right guy remembering you. If you feel good inside and out it’s going to show in how you act. Putting in a little extra effort to look good will also keep you feeling great, and in the mood to attract a guy or even a Mr. Right.

Be confident but not overbearing when attracting a guy. If you know yourself and know what you are looking for, guys will respect your honesty. This too will reflect on how you come across to others. If you’re shy and have no self-confidence or beat around the bush when talking to someone, they will think you’re not interested. Go on, get over your baggage! This is the new you we are talking to an you are ready to attract a guy.

You may have been burned before (um, who hasn’t?), deal with it then leave it behind. No guy is going to want a competition with an ex or your past relationships. See the mistakes as lessons to learn and grow to become a more confident you.

Also, don’t be something your not when attracting that perfect guy. Wear your fake lashes, your push up bras, your foundation applied maliciously and your favorite heels but keep one thing in mind… This guy might just see you in the morning, so be prepared for a transformation that won’t send him running out the door shrieking. Be proud of who you are, things to dress up with are fine but don’t try to completely change, he is interested in you not your collagen treatments. Would you really want to be with someone that didn’t appreciate the real you the next morning?

Be yourself, relax and know that there is a relationship waiting out there for you. Remember you know what you’re looking and you will attract him to you. Never come across or enter a room with the intention of attracting a guy. You don’t want to appear as desperate or over confident.

Be interested in the other person. Don’t constantly talk about your dog and all the tricks he can do or about the run in your stockings. Ask questions of this handsome guy, find things you two have in common and run with that. That is another lasting memory the other person will keep then go back to your friends and brag about the person you just met.

There are many more ways to attract a guy, and I have only covered a few, but rest assured that the most timeless advice is always to know what you are looking for and to be yourself, while remaining open to the surprises that life offers at every step.

Overwhelmed with family, school, work and volunteer obligations, woman are turning to online dating or speed-dating services to do a little of their homework for them. However, you do not have to anymore.

Here are five easy things to look for whether at work, the grocery store, the local coffee shop or bookstore to locate you next date during your spare seconds–minus the fees.

1. Allows women to enter/exit the elevator first.

It may not seem like a big deal to most, but if a man is running late for a meeting yet still takes the time to let a lady on or off the elevator first, he is showing respect and appreciation.

2. Treats the janitor, waiter and cashier with respect.

How a person treats those who may not directly affect their livelihood, can tell you how he will treat you when a possible argument occurs in the future.

3. Offers you the last piece of pie or final copy of a best-selling book.

He is considerate and thoughtful. If you both reach for the item at the same time and he takes the last dessert or book without so much as a pause, he may be selfish.

4. Gives up his seat on the crowded commuter train to an elderly person.

Besides good manners, this man is considerate, protective, attentive and concerned for the well-being of others.

5. Greets/acknowledges those around him (when appropriate).

By acknowledging that others exist, he is respectful of others and not completely self-centered.

Determining if a guy is worth your time is all about his actions – what he DOES versus what he SAYS.

Time is a precious commodity many don’t have the luxury of wasting. Why spend the next month dating someone who turns out to be egotistical, selfish and rude? Why pass on a potential date that fails to use the “right words” during your two-minutes at a speed-dating event. If you take the time to look for just five actions, you can “gift” your time to a better man.

In July I wrote an article entitled: “Dumped? Get set for new life.”

In that article I stressed the importance of avoiding all contact with your ex if you find yourself dumped. I opined the importance of doing so if you ever want to recover, heal your broken heart and become desirable again.

A dear friend came to me recently and told me of a story so horrific illustrating the importance of breaking all contact, that I thought I would share it with you.

Flashback - 2003.

My friend was involved in a very passionate relationship. He was deeply in love and thought he had found his “true love.”

Unfortunately, one day it came to a unexpected end. He was heart-broken, lost and looking for answers. My friend is an ambitious, loving and caring guy and when the hammer fell on his relationship he sunk into a deep depression.

His girl at the time had just moved in a few months prior to the break-up and despite my pleas to rid her from his life, he continued to live with her afterwards.

She stated: “She thought he was a fantastic guy and wanted to remain friends.”

Can you imagine the torment?

He didn’t want to lose her, unfortunately, he didn’t realize he already had.

The tumultuous living arrangement lasted a couple of months, then on one fateful day he took her dog for a walk while she was “supposedly” at work. Upon his return he walked in on her “entertaining”.

Life grinded to a halt for him on that day. For the months that followed he walked around in a cloud - a broken man.

Afterwards, it took him a long time to wipe the heart-ache and images from his mind and to be able to finally cope with life again.

Fast-forward - Summer 2005

He had fallen in love again. Once again he was unexpectedly dumped. This time however, he heeded my advice and tried to break free. No more sleeping in the same bed. No more nightly dinners. Well - not entirely, he did continue to profess his love, and he tried to keep in touch on a nightly basis - a gigantic, NO - NO.

By doing so you simply lessen the chances of ever rekindling lost love. After-all, right or wrong the dumper, dumped for a reason. And by keeping in touch, you only set yourself up for more heartache. As long as you “pine”, your questions will no longer be answered to your liking.

1. What are up to?

2. Want to get together tonight?

3. I love you? Wait - that’s not a question, quit being so needy.

Face reality 99.9% of………….

(to be continued)

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Part 2 of this article will be posted once Part 1 recieves 500 views.

I’ve always thought of Valentine’s Day as a “dark” holiday, created so that men are annually put into awkward positions. Look, I’ve got enough pressure — like worrying whether or not the Chicago Bears are going to beat the spread. Who needs this added obligation every February?

So every year up until last year, I devised a clever scheme to “skip” Valentine’s Day. Several years ago, I convinced Elaine ( the cute college tennis player I was dating at the time ) to completely ignore the dreaded holiday “with” me. I talked up all the negative points — how Valentine’s day is a huge marketing scheme, how the media conditions you to feel lonely if you aren’t with anyone, and how children die in Africa mining diamonds for all the new engagements. She totally bought into it. At this point I’m thinking I’ve finally met “the one” and I’m totally marrying her because she’s the one girl that isn’t putting up a HUGE fuss about hearts, candy, and surprises. Sweet. There’s something very different, very intriguing, and very cool about this one.

So, yeah, great, no V-day for me! Just an ordinary day.. and a cool girlfriend. I decided to pack it up and go visit my friends at home that weekend. I think I might have called her, I don’t remember.

I guess you can see where this is going, and really, I guess I should have known better.. no girl is THAT cool to blow off Valentine’s Day. Back at school the next week, she’s pissed. I get nothing but an icy stare. Weeks of damage control follow.

Because of the massive amount of recovery effort it takes to restore the damage of a Valentine’s Day blunder, my best strategy was, of course, to NOT have a girl friend in February. A lot of breakups occurred sometime after the new year, and then if they were worth it, I’d find a way to get back together with them in March or April. My excuse to myself went something like — “I shouldn’t have to be OBLIGATED to freaking buy something on Valentine’s Day.”

I’d get all philosophical about it and rant about how the media and marketers have made it so that you, as a man, are socially liable now to provide a well-thought-out gift in February. Bonus points if you “out-do” yourself. That was crap, I thought, and if I was going to put out the effort ( which, if by now you’re thinking I’m just a male pig or whatever, I’ll have you know I DID actually put in a lot of effort and thoughtfulness occasionally. Just not on “the day”. ), I was going to do it on my terms. I liked the surprise. Valentine’s day is so “expected”.

Last year, I thought I’d try something different, though. I caved in. I went against my standards .. partly out of an experiment to see what would happen, and partly because I wanted to give this particular girl a great day. Of course, I did the flower thing which was painful in every way — not because of the ordering process, but because it was going against everything I previously took a stand against. I got all creative and cut up some construction paper into about 100 pieces, put them in a cool box, and wrote reasons why I thought she was cool .. or hot … or whatever I got her a cool card, oh and that movie “The Notebook”. Then I sat back, thought about how cool and clever I was and waited.

This girl lit up. I do have to say that the benefits of “coming through” are so much better than damage control after ignoring the holiday. So, now — even though I still don’t think the holiday is cool .. I make it work. I found a couple of websites that will get the flowers and a few other unique gifts shipped in a hurry. This leaves me free to sit back and enjoy all the benefits of “coming through”.

As a single parent, you’ve just come to a startling realization. Outside of taking care of the kids you don’t have a life. Don’t feel bad, you are not alone.

Single parenting is difficult and will run you down in no time if you let it. It’s time for you to recharge your battery. It’s time for you to shock life and energy back into your drained body.

But how you ask?

It’s time for you to join the single parent dating crowd. Single parents all over the world have taken control of their life. They’ve made the wise decision to date. You see it can be done.

Don’t let the fact that you have kids living at home stop you from dating. STOP and picture what life will be like once you start dating. You will have an adult to talk to. This means no more feeling of loneliness.

With that being said, where should you look for dating potentials?

You could take the normal route. That’s get hooked up by family or friends, pick someone up at a night club or meet someone in the streets. But this type of dating never works. It always ends in disappointment.

But why does this form of dating not work? Because, you don’t really know much about the other person you are dating. You end up wasting your time.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to screen your dates before wasting too much time? Yes, I thought you’d agree.

There is a better way to go about finding a date. Try online dating which is the most efficient way to find compatible dates.

For many years it was a tradition to throw rice on the newlyweds as they left the church after the ceremony. Then the unthinkable: We discovered that in our enthusiasm to celebrate the joining of this couple we had unknowingly been killing our little feathered friends as surely as an Exxon oil-tanker with the third-mate at the helm. Well, not really.

The truth of the matter is that many people believe this to be true because it has been stated as truth by celebrity advice-givers such as Ann Landers and Martha Stewart. The public apparently has yet to learn that advice from celebrities isn’t necessarily any more “expert” than advice from the crazy old lady who lives down the block and is absolutely certain she can tell whether the baby will be a boy or a girl by how the mother sits down. In fact, rice is harmless, and even nutritious for birds.

Over the years this urban legend has been debunked on a regular basis but for some reason it is the fiction which has stuck in the minds of Americans, perhaps due to its gruesome nature. These days you’re more likely to see wedding bubbles, rose petals, confetti and with startling irony: birdseed, at weddings by a longshot. The formerly ubiquitous rice is nowhere to be found. Yes, with the advent of birdseed we’ve actually gotten to the point where it is more important to make sure the birds are well-fed than whether or not the bride has to spend three hours getting birdseed out of her hair.

Ironically, it actually is bad idea to throw rice at a wedding. It’s just that the reason has absolutely nothing to do with birds. Grains of rice are tiny, hard and tubular, and when they’re carpeting the ground they make a pretty good mobile surface to roll-around on. Great if you want to roll-around. Bad if you’re not expecting to. Many some severe injuries have wedding rice to blame.

So it’s not such a bad thing that this tradition seems to be over, but now you know the truth. Spread the word and please, please suggest your engaged friends and relatives leave the birdseed at home.

When you are standing at the altar saying “I do” with 300 of your friends and family around you, the very last thing on your mind is the possibility of a divorce in your future. Damn the statistics, it cannot happen to me, you think.

Think again. Recent studies have shown that the divorce rate is almost at the 50% mark for couple being married in the past 5 years. What is the cause of that? Are people being too reckless with their commitments? Do people really think that the love they feel will see them through anything?

The biggest problem leading to divorce is a lack of communication between the partners. It really is a partnership, where each needs to know what the other is doing and thinking on a regular basis, as in daily. You need to make sure that you are both marching to the same drummer with the same goals in sight, both short term goals as well as long term goals, and without that communication, divorce is almost inevitable.

Is this a difficult thing? It should not be, but in today’s world where most households have both spouses working, it can prove to be difficult. When both spouses arrive at home after a long hard day at work, both are tired, perhaps irritable, neither feels like fixing dinner, and communication can often be the last thing on either one’s mind. Yet if that communications does not happen, it is inevitably that the two of you will take different paths, start creating separate goals, and pretty soon you find that divorce is the only viable answer, since your paths have parted so widely that there is little chance your paths will ever rejoin.

Divorce can be a comparatively simple procedure or it can be long and drawn out. It is in your best interests to get a good divorce lawyer. Really? Yes really. If the communications between you and your spouse have broken down to put you on separate paths, you cannot be sure of what your spouse will require or demand in the divorce process. Make sure you do not get hosed in that process, and without a good divorce attorney, that can easily happen before you are even aware of it.

Things can get messy if children are involved or there is a fair amount of capital holdings that were acquired since the wedding day. But even these items can be negotiated and worked out with good divorce attorneys, plus the desire to “just get it over with peacefully” on the part of both spouses.

If divorce is really the best or only option available to you, plan it with the same attention to detail that you used when you planned your wedding. Preparation and a thorough knowledge of what is involved and what can be negotiated is paramount in making sure that you don’t walk away with absolutely nothing. Almost anything is negotiable as far as “who gets what”, but be very clear on what are your rights, what are the rights of your spouse, and how to effectively manage the division of assets, including cash, stocks, and bonds.